OK, maybe world here is a bit drastic, but one comment has led to several discussions that have changed how my husband and I see our world.
I said that bribery works. The comment was that it works for some children. Initially I thought that it works for all children if the right bribe can be discovered. Now I know I am wrong. It doesn't work for all children in the strictest definition of bribery. My husband pointed out that some children just cannot overcome the idea of doing what is desired. Either they just don't want to do it and nothing you can give them will change their mind, or they want to prove some point of independence and be different from someone else. I've seen this with our second many times and he is right, she cannot usually be bribed in the way I bribe the others. She can however be convinced by consequences. Which I've come to see as not bribery. Let me explain, in the case of potty training. With our oldest we gave her chocolate chips when she used the potty. She didn't get chocolate chips unless she used the potty, she got them every time she used the potty. If she wanted chocolate chips she used the potty, we were all happy and she used the potty probably more than she had to. With our second this method didn't work. Partly because her sister would steal the chocolate chips from the cabinet and give them to her and partly because she didn't want to do what we wanted. Direct consequences worked well though. She wanted to wear pretty underwear. If she dirtied her underwear she had to wear a diaper until her underwear was clean because she only had one pair of underwear. She used the potty lots and lots because she wanted to keep her underwear clean. Is this bribery? No, I now do not think it is. I used to think it was, but it isn't because bribery gives me, the briber, the control. If she does x, I do y. This does not work with our second child. So yes bribery only works with some children. However as my husband pointed out consequences can be ensured and do work well for almost every situation. If the girls leave their headbands on the floor they get broken. Sometimes Daddy ensures that this breakage occurs. Hence, there are no headbands out of place because headbands that break are not replaceable. He calls this consequences. He says that sometimes good parenting involves controlling consequences. I think he is right. So see, my world changed a little bit and my husband and I had a wonderful discussion about parenting. Comments are great! Thank you for changing the world.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
You might be a father...
Father's day is almost upon us. In light of my recent (not so recent because I've been lazy busy) post about being a Mom, here's my take on being a Dad.
My husband is amazingly patient with our children and is an excellent father, I've been watching and here are some things I've seen him do.
You might be a Dad if.
1. It takes you an hour and a half longer to fix the broken door because you are letting your son use the screwdriver to "help".
2. You go fishing knowing that the chances of catching a fish will be severely diminished by giving your son the rod and you give it to him anyway.
3. Even though you are still hungry, you don't ask for seconds because you are waiting until the children are full so you can finish what they left on their plates.
3a.You try to convince your children to order what you want to eat, because you know they won't finish their own meal.
4. You happily go to the store with a princess, spiderman, or a blue monster.
5. When someone screams your name in the middle of the night you grab a shoe, because you know the only time they scream for you, there is an insect of some sort.
I'm sure I'm missing something, but there's a short list. Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there.
My husband is amazingly patient with our children and is an excellent father, I've been watching and here are some things I've seen him do.
You might be a Dad if.
1. It takes you an hour and a half longer to fix the broken door because you are letting your son use the screwdriver to "help".
2. You go fishing knowing that the chances of catching a fish will be severely diminished by giving your son the rod and you give it to him anyway.
3. Even though you are still hungry, you don't ask for seconds because you are waiting until the children are full so you can finish what they left on their plates.
3a.You try to convince your children to order what you want to eat, because you know they won't finish their own meal.
4. You happily go to the store with a princess, spiderman, or a blue monster.
5. When someone screams your name in the middle of the night you grab a shoe, because you know the only time they scream for you, there is an insect of some sort.
I'm sure I'm missing something, but there's a short list. Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there.
Potty Training is Like Reading
I currently have a two year old learning to use the potty and a five year old learning to read. I've discovered that there are many similarities to teaching the two skills.
1. There is no magic age. I used to think that there was an age at which a child should do something. Ha!
2. I can't do it for them. I wish I could, it would be so much easier.
3. If they really want to learn something, they will. The converse is also true, if they don't want to learn something they will fight you the entire time!
4. Bribery works.
5. So does patient consistency.
6. #5 is the hardest thing to do, especially when you are tired.
7. Children will eventually learn both, especially if you can accomplish #5.
8. It's ok to take a break.
9. Slow deep breaths help to focus on the bigger picture. Deep breaths can be taken by the student and the teacher, doing it together can be very helpful.
10. When in doubt, feed someone chocolate.
There are probably many other things I will teach my children that apply here, but I am having trouble seeing beyond the diapers and letters. Hopefully I can remember this list for my next teaching challenge.
1. There is no magic age. I used to think that there was an age at which a child should do something. Ha!
2. I can't do it for them. I wish I could, it would be so much easier.
3. If they really want to learn something, they will. The converse is also true, if they don't want to learn something they will fight you the entire time!
4. Bribery works.
5. So does patient consistency.
6. #5 is the hardest thing to do, especially when you are tired.
7. Children will eventually learn both, especially if you can accomplish #5.
8. It's ok to take a break.
9. Slow deep breaths help to focus on the bigger picture. Deep breaths can be taken by the student and the teacher, doing it together can be very helpful.
10. When in doubt, feed someone chocolate.
There are probably many other things I will teach my children that apply here, but I am having trouble seeing beyond the diapers and letters. Hopefully I can remember this list for my next teaching challenge.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)