Making a phone call

Here is how my husband makes a phone call. 

He says something like "I'm making a phone call."  Then he goes in a different room or outside and he makes a phone call and he talks to the other person on the phone and he concludes his phone business.  He returns to the house and he's happy because he made a phone call.

Here is how I make a phone call.

I say "I need to make a phone call."

At this point any of the following are possible:
 
I dial the phone, no one answers, I leave a message like this:
"Hi, I'm just calling to see what you wanted to do on Tuesday.  NO!  I don't want you touching that! So, if you could give me a call back when you get a chance.  What!  Why did you do that?  Now he's bleeding!  That would be great."

I dial the phone, the person answers, and I have a conversation like this:
"Hi, what time is the dinner?  Can't you see I'm on the phone!  Wait a minute.  Do you need me to bring anything?  Ahh, really?  On the floor?  Could you send me an email please, I have to go clean the floor before they get hurt."

I call a company with voice recognition software and this happens:

Pleasant lady with superficially always calm voice:  "Please tell me why you are calling today."
Calm me: "Billing address"
Pleasant lady: "Did you say balance?"
Calm, slightly annoyed me: "No."
Pleasant lady: "Please tell me why you are calling today.  You can say, billing, current balance, past balance, or information on new account."
Calm, slightly annoyed, but still hopeful me: "Billing address"
Pleasant lady: "Did you say new account?"
Calm and slightly baffled me: "No."
Pleasant lady:  "Please tell me why you are calling today."
Calm but getting frustrated me: "Billing address."
Pleasant lady: "Did you say Billing?"
Happy me: "YES!"
Pleasant lady: "Your next billing cycle will begin on November twenty-first.  You have a balance of zero dollars.  Would you like to hear this information again?"
Frustrated me: "No."
Pleasant lady: "Is there something else I can help you with?"
Hopeful me: "Change billing address."
Pleasant lady:  "Did you say  "Open charge account"?"
Frustrated me: "No."
Pleasant lady: "Please try again, is there something else I can help you with today?"
Hopeful me: "Representative."
Pleasant lady: "I'm sorry you are having trouble, is there something I can help you with today?"
Frustrated me: "Representative!"
Pleasant lady: "I am having trouble understanding you.  Please try again."
Frustrated but undeterred me: "Representative!"
Pleasant lady: "I can not understand your request, please try again later."  Click.
Grumbling me: "Really!?"
My happy, noisy, helpful one-year-old: "Billing, representative."
Amused me: "At least someone understood me."



I decide to do things his way.  I take the phone into the garage, I make a phone call.  I complete the phone call, having had a lovely conversation, I return to the house.  I find everyone running around with yogurt in their hair.  I don't want to know so I don't even ask.  Everyone takes a bath, I clean the floor.  My husband comes home to find a clean floor and clean children.  He says "Why did they take baths this afternoon?"  I say "I had to make a phone call."