We had a lovely two week vacation that cost more than we were planning and was more fun that we thought it would be. I think that was about normal. I was going to write about it because it was fun and the tow truck ride was an adrenaline rush; but I think I'm going to write about the aftermath, because it's more amusing and won't make you jealous.
When we were on vacation my husband and I decided to make a serious effort to focus on each other and our children and really spend time as a family. We did evil parenting things like making our children talk to us for half an hour between movies on the days we drove. We included them in deciding the activities for the day. When we had things go differently than planned we included them in the decisions about how to get back on track. We discussed ways to spend more time with them and how fast they are growing up. We really enjoyed getting to know our children and each other again. Then we got home...
When we got home we realized that our youngest, whom I shall now refer to as Yoda, had a stomach bug and we needed to take him to the doctor and get stool samples. Then we tried to start school and clean up the rv and do all the laundry and the dishes and deal with the two weeks of produce from the garden. While I was contemplating how to duct tape a plastic bag on Yoda's rear to catch the explosive exhaust (don't call child protective services I didn't actually do it) as I held him over the toilet for two hours, I thought that none of those articles about cherishing your children, keeping your house clean with one daily chore, and teaching your children Latin so they can take over the dental industry really understand what day to day parenting really requires.
This morning as I cleaned the nasty, slightly moldy lint trap in the washer, that requires the removal of three star-drive screws to access, I realized that there's no getting around the yucky jobs when you are a parent. My children may never take over the dental world, or take on the high stakes offices on Wall Street or be stars on Broadway, or however else you define success, but they will never see me shirk my duty as their mother. I hope they learn something valuable from watching me clean up the projectile vomit that has become a rather regular routine recently. I hope they learn that I love them, lots and lots, not just a little, and not just when they are clean and healthy, but all the time. I hope they learn how to love others under the same conditions. People are really actually quite yucky, we have all kinds of dirt, we have to love each other through all of that dirt.
So am I a failing mother because I forgot all those "one chore a day to a clean house" tips and my house is a complete mess because I spend four hours a day helping Yoda go to the potty so he can run away screaming "boy potty!" Nope, not going to claim it. I've been thinking about the good old days, you know when we thought we were just as good as all the other parents because our kids had clothes and food. I'm talking about the times when you were expected to keep your children alive, teach them right from wrong, make sure they mostly wore shoes in the winter, and ate food. Before self-help books that tell you how every word you utter is making your child guilty, depressed, self-conscious, or causing them to feel inadequate. Don't worry they will be millionaires because you made sure they knew their times tables at age 3, so they can afford therapy later.
Seriously, I learned a great many things from my vacation.
1. I need to put my phone, book, and child down. I need to talk to my husband more, he is a really awesome guy and I need to do fun things with him, not just dinner and a movie twice a year.
2. We need a smaller house. I don't need an entertainment room and a toy room and a workshop, I need to get outside and take my children to new places so they can be entertained and play in the world. A workshop would be awesome though.
3. I don't need new ways to store my injection molded Chinese plastic, I need less injection molded Chinese plastic. My children played with rocks, sticks, and logs for a week and cried when we left them. I am not buying them another toy EVER!
4. My children are smart and fun and I don't need to worry about whether they are reading or writing at grade level. I need to teach them to learn because it's fun, not because there will be a test at the end of the week.
5. I will say and do the wrong things, I will make them feel bad sometimes, I might even give them some sort of complex problem when they are older, but they will always know I love them. I will tell them every day and every night that I love them. Then, I will tell them when they wake up and when they go to sleep and I will probably do that until the day I die. That's a real mother's real job, making sure they know that.
So, my vacation was awesome, I will never catch up and that's great. We will go on another one and I will get behind again, but I'm going to see some of this beautiful world and share it with my family because that's more important than storage, clean clothes, and a clean floor.
I love this, Blake.
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