My eight year old made this mostly by herself so it's not too hard.
about 1/2 cup olive oil
about 1/2 cup chopped basil
about 1 1/2 pounds of sausage removed from casing (I used mild Italian Chicken sausage)
about 1/2 cup of fresh parsley
2-3 large potatoes (I used left over oven potatoes and added them a bit later)
1 cup milk
1/2 cup cream
Put the olive oil, basil, and sausage in the crock pot for about half an hour, or until the sausage is a little cooked, but don't let it stick. Put the potatoes and parsley in with 1/2 cup of milk. Let it cook for a while on low, I left it for about 4 hours, but my potatoes were already mostly softened. About fifteen minutes before you serve it add the other 1/2 cup of milk and 1/2 cup of cream. Let it cook for about fifteen minutes and serve.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Why I Quit Working
I used to get paid real money to go to a building and be an engineer. I decided not to do that anymore. That decision probably shocked everyone who ever knew me, including myself. That was almost four years ago but lately a few people have been asking me why I did it. I guess they finally decided it wasn't just a phase I was going through. I sat down then and made a pro/con list because I was well, an engineer. Lately though I've been thinking about how to best answer the question truthfully and hopefully helpfully. The strangest thing happened about the time I turned 30, I grew up. I don't mean this in any earth shattering way, and I still like to color, but I mean that I decided to be myself. One day the idea hit me that I shouldn't live my life as someone else, worrying about whether I am doing things "right" but I should do things the way they make sense for me. When I was growing up I compared my Mom to other moms and to my grandmothers and I decided I liked the way my Mom did most things, so I tried to copy her. When I thought about staying home with my children I always thought about doing it in a way I had seen other people to it. I never thought about it as something I could totally personalize. I thought I would be expected to do things certain ways and I just couldn't imagine myself doing things that way. I'm sure this is what other people thought too when I told them I was going to stop going to work every day and stay home and work. You know June Cleaver I am not. This likely caused the shock. In trying to answer the question about why I quit my job it came to me that the main reason is that I finally saw myself staying home with my children my way, not as June Cleaver, or some other unattainable for me method. Here is a list of things I do my own way, which may or may not be your way, but will hopefully help you see why I can stay home to work.
1. I do not always have dinner on the table when my husband gets home. He likes cereal.
2. I do not worry about keeping the house clean all the time (that's a whole different post).
3. I don't fold socks.
4. I let my children play, a lot, with the clean sheets. We may or may not make forts and castles in the living room on a regular basis. It may or may not be required to do reading lesson in a castle.
5. I may or may not make my children get dressed every day, sometimes it really doesn't matter.
Once I starting living life my way, I made a new pro/con list.
Reasons for me to stay home:
1. I have really comfortable pjs and I like my yoga pants.
2. Homeschooling my children allows for more ski days.
3. I really enjoy doing laundry every day, not just all evening and all weekend.
4. I love teaching my children sarcasm. They use it well.
5. Teaching my children gives me a unique insight into how they think and what they need from me on a daily basis.
6. I get paid in hugs.
7. I choose what I do and when. This is especially important when I feel like scrambled eggs and bacon for lunch.
8. I have more time to exercise, and yes, that means chasing my children, dancing with my children, and playing silly games in the kitchen.
9. I like to have plans that I throw out the window when they don't work. I like throwing plans that don't work out the window without having a planning meeting with other people who think the plans still work.
10. Watching my children understand new things is more fun than anything else I've ever done. Being the reason for the understanding is like winning a gold medal.
Reasons to go to work:
1. I get to close the door to the bathroom, while I 'm using it and not worry about anyone needing stitches.
2. Fewer dishes.
3. More travel for work.
4. Meeting doughnuts.
5. Snazzy work clothes, and cute shoes.
6. Holiday potlucks
7. Having conversations with adults.
8. I apply fewer bandages.
9. Solving more well defined problems.
10. Time alone.
So, after looking at the lists I again decided that I like my pjs and chose to quit working, which is actually way more work, but also more fun, and the pay is much better. Make your own list and make your own decisions, live life your way, because then it's more fun.
1. I do not always have dinner on the table when my husband gets home. He likes cereal.
2. I do not worry about keeping the house clean all the time (that's a whole different post).
3. I don't fold socks.
4. I let my children play, a lot, with the clean sheets. We may or may not make forts and castles in the living room on a regular basis. It may or may not be required to do reading lesson in a castle.
5. I may or may not make my children get dressed every day, sometimes it really doesn't matter.
Once I starting living life my way, I made a new pro/con list.
Reasons for me to stay home:
1. I have really comfortable pjs and I like my yoga pants.
2. Homeschooling my children allows for more ski days.
3. I really enjoy doing laundry every day, not just all evening and all weekend.
4. I love teaching my children sarcasm. They use it well.
5. Teaching my children gives me a unique insight into how they think and what they need from me on a daily basis.
6. I get paid in hugs.
7. I choose what I do and when. This is especially important when I feel like scrambled eggs and bacon for lunch.
8. I have more time to exercise, and yes, that means chasing my children, dancing with my children, and playing silly games in the kitchen.
9. I like to have plans that I throw out the window when they don't work. I like throwing plans that don't work out the window without having a planning meeting with other people who think the plans still work.
10. Watching my children understand new things is more fun than anything else I've ever done. Being the reason for the understanding is like winning a gold medal.
Reasons to go to work:
1. I get to close the door to the bathroom, while I 'm using it and not worry about anyone needing stitches.
2. Fewer dishes.
3. More travel for work.
4. Meeting doughnuts.
5. Snazzy work clothes, and cute shoes.
6. Holiday potlucks
7. Having conversations with adults.
8. I apply fewer bandages.
9. Solving more well defined problems.
10. Time alone.
So, after looking at the lists I again decided that I like my pjs and chose to quit working, which is actually way more work, but also more fun, and the pay is much better. Make your own list and make your own decisions, live life your way, because then it's more fun.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
What I say, and what my children hear
I've had my children tested so I know they all have great hearing. I think that their inability to hear me stems from a desire to not listen rather than a physical impairment, but I am constantly amazed at what they think I say. There are definitely a few words they just flat out ignore, like "don't". This word is apparently unheard at all times. Examples include the famous, "don't run", "don't hit", "don't make a mess", and the less famous "don't bite your toenails", "don't write on the wall", and "don't burp so loudly". They simply hear "run", "hit", "make a mess", "bite your toenails", "write on the wall", and "burp so loudly". This is understandable, however, there are some things they just choose to hear differently. Here are some examples I've noticed lately.
1. I say, "Please clean your room, it is so messy that I can't even walk in there to turn off your light."
They hear, "Please walk in there and turn off your light."
2. I say, "Put your shoes in the box in the closet so that when we need to go somewhere we can find them and we won't be late."
They hear, "Shoes go somewhere then we can be late."
3. I say, "When you finish eating take your dishes to the sink, please."
They hear, "finish eating."
4. I say, "Get dressed please so we can go soon."
They hear, "Go throw clothes on the floor in the closet."
5. I say, "Please get in the car."
They hear, "Please run around outside."
Yep, now you know.
1. I say, "Please clean your room, it is so messy that I can't even walk in there to turn off your light."
They hear, "Please walk in there and turn off your light."
2. I say, "Put your shoes in the box in the closet so that when we need to go somewhere we can find them and we won't be late."
They hear, "Shoes go somewhere then we can be late."
3. I say, "When you finish eating take your dishes to the sink, please."
They hear, "finish eating."
4. I say, "Get dressed please so we can go soon."
They hear, "Go throw clothes on the floor in the closet."
5. I say, "Please get in the car."
They hear, "Please run around outside."
Yep, now you know.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
January
This is the month that many people don't like. I have my birthday in January, so most of my life I've actually looked forward to it, but I understand how many people feel kind of blah about January. So in order to make you all like my month, I am going to share some reasons why January is an awesome month.
1. For those of you who like sun, the days are actually getting longer now.
2. There are no stressful holidays to make you do things that you otherwise wouldn't do, like make green bean casserole or clean the toilet.
3. The school semester just started, so mathematically you have yet to fail any course.
4. It's the middle of ski season!
5. Football actually matters now.
6. After Christmas sales, so now you can go get whatever you really wanted for Christmas. I bought myself new socks because no one thought to buy me socks for Christmas. I know, poor me right?
7. Pretty much nothing blooms in January, so if you have allergies, this is the month for you.
8. There are still some pumpkin flavored things about town.
9. You still have weeks before Valentine's day. This is good for everyone, trust me.
10. My Birthday. You can all celebrate it, I don't mind.
1. For those of you who like sun, the days are actually getting longer now.
2. There are no stressful holidays to make you do things that you otherwise wouldn't do, like make green bean casserole or clean the toilet.
3. The school semester just started, so mathematically you have yet to fail any course.
4. It's the middle of ski season!
5. Football actually matters now.
6. After Christmas sales, so now you can go get whatever you really wanted for Christmas. I bought myself new socks because no one thought to buy me socks for Christmas. I know, poor me right?
7. Pretty much nothing blooms in January, so if you have allergies, this is the month for you.
8. There are still some pumpkin flavored things about town.
9. You still have weeks before Valentine's day. This is good for everyone, trust me.
10. My Birthday. You can all celebrate it, I don't mind.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Amazon subscribe and save again
I've been talking to many people lately about Amazon subscribe and save and what I've learned. Here are some things to add to my previous post.
We started in October with Amazon subscribe and save and since then I've also joined Amazon Mom, it's free if you are already a prime member. I don't know how much it would help if you weren't a Mom, but for me it's quite helpful. There are extra coupons and savings on diapers and such. I admit that I don't check the coupons as often as I should but I have used a few of them.
In the few months we've been subscribing we have saved quite a bit of money. Our savings have averaged about $150 per month, depending on what we purchased each month and whether I usually purchased those items at Cost-Co or Target. Also, I haven't been driving to the store as much. That also doesn't count the "Mom, can I please?" stuff I didn't buy because I didn't go to the store with my children.
We do still buy a few things at Cost-Co, and I need to figure out if that justifies our membership, but I will likely wait until August when our current membership expires. I however have not gone to Cost-Co because we just buy milk, eggs, butter, and vinegar so I don't feel bad asking my husband or Mom to pick those up for me when they drive by Cost-Co anyway. Other "intangible" benefits to the new shopping method are things I hadn't thought about before.
1. We are learning to wait. I think this is good for all of us. When we run out of something on subscribe and it will arrive in a few days I wait for it. When we used to run out of something that we ate or used often I would make sure we went to the store for it the next day, now we live without it for a bit. It turns out that we can live without quite a few things for a few days. Also, we end up eating up the stuff we have but isn't our favorite. It's been good for the whole family.
2. I am learning to watch what we really use and not just wait until we run out of stuff. I'm actually aware of how often my children eat cereal, and when we are out of cereal they have to eat something else. This leads to them learning that they actually like other foods.
3. I still go to the grocery store for perishables but now it's more fun because we don't shop as much and so I actually don't mind.
4. I have more time to do the stuff I want to do or need to do at home. My house and car are staying cleaner.
5. We don't eat fast food as much. One reason is because I'm not trying to go to three stores on a busy day and feeding the children drive-thru as a bribe to keep them from killing each other. The other reason is because I actually have more time to make plans for dinner. The third reason is because the macaroni and cheese that is healthy (ish) and the children like is cheaper on Amazon.
6. My husband thinks I'm awesome. I can actually shop for his stuff while I'm next to his sink so consequently I haven't bought the wrong brand of anything! I got his toothpaste right, and the dental floss he likes. I haven't wasted money buying stuff that's the wrong brand. He noticed and that earned me a couple nights of dishes done by him without me asking.
7. I found a few brands that I like that I never tried before. Amazon has reviews for every product, so instead of buying the store brand or the brand I know just because I don't want to waste money now I can read the reviews and decide. If a certain brand is cheaper but I've never tried it I can find out what 1603 other people think before I purchase it. I really like that, and I found an olive oil that's cheaper and actually quite yummy.
8. We have boxes. My children, especially my youngest really like boxes. Also, I used two to take stuff to the thrift store so now I have less stuff in my house!
I do recycle the boxes, but usually after they've been used as forts, train cars, or rockets.
We started in October with Amazon subscribe and save and since then I've also joined Amazon Mom, it's free if you are already a prime member. I don't know how much it would help if you weren't a Mom, but for me it's quite helpful. There are extra coupons and savings on diapers and such. I admit that I don't check the coupons as often as I should but I have used a few of them.
In the few months we've been subscribing we have saved quite a bit of money. Our savings have averaged about $150 per month, depending on what we purchased each month and whether I usually purchased those items at Cost-Co or Target. Also, I haven't been driving to the store as much. That also doesn't count the "Mom, can I please?" stuff I didn't buy because I didn't go to the store with my children.
We do still buy a few things at Cost-Co, and I need to figure out if that justifies our membership, but I will likely wait until August when our current membership expires. I however have not gone to Cost-Co because we just buy milk, eggs, butter, and vinegar so I don't feel bad asking my husband or Mom to pick those up for me when they drive by Cost-Co anyway. Other "intangible" benefits to the new shopping method are things I hadn't thought about before.
1. We are learning to wait. I think this is good for all of us. When we run out of something on subscribe and it will arrive in a few days I wait for it. When we used to run out of something that we ate or used often I would make sure we went to the store for it the next day, now we live without it for a bit. It turns out that we can live without quite a few things for a few days. Also, we end up eating up the stuff we have but isn't our favorite. It's been good for the whole family.
2. I am learning to watch what we really use and not just wait until we run out of stuff. I'm actually aware of how often my children eat cereal, and when we are out of cereal they have to eat something else. This leads to them learning that they actually like other foods.
3. I still go to the grocery store for perishables but now it's more fun because we don't shop as much and so I actually don't mind.
4. I have more time to do the stuff I want to do or need to do at home. My house and car are staying cleaner.
5. We don't eat fast food as much. One reason is because I'm not trying to go to three stores on a busy day and feeding the children drive-thru as a bribe to keep them from killing each other. The other reason is because I actually have more time to make plans for dinner. The third reason is because the macaroni and cheese that is healthy (ish) and the children like is cheaper on Amazon.
6. My husband thinks I'm awesome. I can actually shop for his stuff while I'm next to his sink so consequently I haven't bought the wrong brand of anything! I got his toothpaste right, and the dental floss he likes. I haven't wasted money buying stuff that's the wrong brand. He noticed and that earned me a couple nights of dishes done by him without me asking.
7. I found a few brands that I like that I never tried before. Amazon has reviews for every product, so instead of buying the store brand or the brand I know just because I don't want to waste money now I can read the reviews and decide. If a certain brand is cheaper but I've never tried it I can find out what 1603 other people think before I purchase it. I really like that, and I found an olive oil that's cheaper and actually quite yummy.
8. We have boxes. My children, especially my youngest really like boxes. Also, I used two to take stuff to the thrift store so now I have less stuff in my house!
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Christmas Letter 2013 (finally)
Every year I write a letter detailing what we did for the year, mostly so someday my children will remember, so this year I'm doing it again. I was going to print it out and put it in all my cards, but I ran out of ink and decided this way is more friendly for the environment. So, here's a quick recap of our year. Since this is public domain I will refer to my children by their awesome nicknames. My oldest daughter we call Pumpkin, my second daughter is Angel, my oldest son is Sunshine, and my youngest son is Yoda. There are reasons for all their nicknames, but that's not the point here.
We started the year with hockey for Pumpkin and Sunshine, then we went skiing. It was fun to get to ski with my three oldest, they are getting really good. Then we had a dance show where my Angel was stunning in jazz and ballet, then she got to dance with sister in a tap number. The end of March we loaded up the RV and drove to the East Coast. We had a blast at the ocean and visiting with family. We saw many historic sights and the children loved picking up some junior ranger badges.
We came home to a busy summer full of gardening and swimming lessons. We managed to do summer hockey of course and some school. We finished the summer with a trip to Washington state to visit family. We got to fish in Yellowstone Park and the children added to their junior ranger badges on the way home.
September was calm but we had to start some serious school. Pumpkin started third grade, reading is her favorite subject. Angel started second grade and really enjoys writing short stories. She got to start real art classes, she has some real talent. Sunshine decided he was ready for kindergarten, mostly because he wants to learn to read, although math is still really fun. Yoda is learning his colors, he likes yellow.
October brought family visits, balloons, and hockey of course. November we played and watched lots of hockey, more family visits, and Angel played an angel in A Christmas Carol. December started with hockey and ice skating in the backyard.
We hope you had a very Merry Christmas and we wish you a Happy New Year.
God Bless.
We started the year with hockey for Pumpkin and Sunshine, then we went skiing. It was fun to get to ski with my three oldest, they are getting really good. Then we had a dance show where my Angel was stunning in jazz and ballet, then she got to dance with sister in a tap number. The end of March we loaded up the RV and drove to the East Coast. We had a blast at the ocean and visiting with family. We saw many historic sights and the children loved picking up some junior ranger badges.
We came home to a busy summer full of gardening and swimming lessons. We managed to do summer hockey of course and some school. We finished the summer with a trip to Washington state to visit family. We got to fish in Yellowstone Park and the children added to their junior ranger badges on the way home.
September was calm but we had to start some serious school. Pumpkin started third grade, reading is her favorite subject. Angel started second grade and really enjoys writing short stories. She got to start real art classes, she has some real talent. Sunshine decided he was ready for kindergarten, mostly because he wants to learn to read, although math is still really fun. Yoda is learning his colors, he likes yellow.
October brought family visits, balloons, and hockey of course. November we played and watched lots of hockey, more family visits, and Angel played an angel in A Christmas Carol. December started with hockey and ice skating in the backyard.
We hope you had a very Merry Christmas and we wish you a Happy New Year.
God Bless.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
How to have the PERFECT Christmas
I was talking with my mother and she reminded me of something important, so I'm writing about it so you can remember too.
I've been seeing all these posts and ideas about how to have the perfect Christmas so I thought I would help you decipher them all too. Then, after you read all the suggestions and you read the responses where people try to make you feel better by giving examples of how they aren't perfect you can remember this helpful guide. We are not all perfect but that is part of Christmas so here's what you do. First, think back to your favorite Christmas experiences. Ok, now really do it. Now, answer the following five questions honestly.
1. Was the house perfectly clean?
2. Was the turkey or ham or whatever you ate absolutely perfect?
3. Was the centerpiece at the table Martha Stewart worthy?
4. Did everyone get exactly the correct and appropriate present?
5. Was every lightbulb on the tree working and in perfect placement?
If you answered, "I don't know." or "I don't remember." or "no." to any or all of these questions then you will realize that the perfect Christmas has nothing to do with the house, the food, or the decor. It has to do with what you do with whom. I find that my favorite Christmas times were all spent with people I love, but sometimes get frustrated with, and people who love me, and sometimes get frustrated with me. It is most important this time of year to remember that Christmas is not about being perfect or cleaning the house. So, go enjoy your perfect Christmas.
I've been seeing all these posts and ideas about how to have the perfect Christmas so I thought I would help you decipher them all too. Then, after you read all the suggestions and you read the responses where people try to make you feel better by giving examples of how they aren't perfect you can remember this helpful guide. We are not all perfect but that is part of Christmas so here's what you do. First, think back to your favorite Christmas experiences. Ok, now really do it. Now, answer the following five questions honestly.
1. Was the house perfectly clean?
2. Was the turkey or ham or whatever you ate absolutely perfect?
3. Was the centerpiece at the table Martha Stewart worthy?
4. Did everyone get exactly the correct and appropriate present?
5. Was every lightbulb on the tree working and in perfect placement?
If you answered, "I don't know." or "I don't remember." or "no." to any or all of these questions then you will realize that the perfect Christmas has nothing to do with the house, the food, or the decor. It has to do with what you do with whom. I find that my favorite Christmas times were all spent with people I love, but sometimes get frustrated with, and people who love me, and sometimes get frustrated with me. It is most important this time of year to remember that Christmas is not about being perfect or cleaning the house. So, go enjoy your perfect Christmas.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Holiday Magic is Nothing Compared to Everyday Magic
I hear a lot of people talking about the magic of the season about this time of year. It's great that people like to be happy in the winter and they should see miracles as magic, but they are neglecting the everyday magic that is all around. There are magical things that occur on a daily basis, and you don't have to wait for December. Here are some examples.
1. Lists. Shopping lists are especially magical, but any list has the potential for magic. Have you noticed how they disappear most when you are really frazzled and can't remember anything? They will also go missing on the days that you go shopping for last minute things because the store will be closed the next day. I find that I also lose lists the day before I take my car to the repair shop and have planned to stay home for several days. Lists have this magical power to remind us that what we think is so important is not actually that important.
2. Dishes. We have all had a day where we get up to an empty sink, eat breakfast, do the dishes, eat lunch and dinner out or at a friend's house, then when we get ready for bed the sink is full of dirty dishes. Why? I'll tell you, it's magic. That's the only thing that makes sense and you know it.
3. Chocolate. Everyone thinks chocolate is magic because it's so yummy, but it actually has telepathic powers. How else would your husband find the last two bites of the chocolate bar that you hid for yourself to eat after dinner? Think it through, he's always asking you where he's put his things and yet he can find your chocolate.
4. Goat heads. Those of you who do not live in the desert southwest you might know these hideous things. They look like this.
They don't look magical you say, and you are right, they look terrible. They are actually magic. There is no other way to explain why, after you've had a tractor remove the top foot of dirt from your yard, you can walk through the yard and still step on these things. As for trying to keep them out of your children's shoes, good luck with that. They stick better than brand new velcro, to everything. If you've ever stepped on a lego with bare feet you can begin to imagine what it might feel like to step on these. They are so magical that when you step on them in the dark with bare feet you will always be carrying something heavy, like a sleeping child, and you will be as far as possible from somewhere to sit down. FACT.
5. Socks. They are magical items. There is a reason Harry gave Dobby a sock. Ever put six socks in the washer? Take them out, put them in the dryer and when the dryer buzzes, how many socks are in the dryer? That's right, five. Why? Here's the real answer. Whenever someone in the magical world needs something it gets transfigured from a sock. The dryer is the place where the magical world gets socks because the warm socks are easier to transfigure. So, don't bother looking for lost socks, you will never find them again.
See holiday magic is just silly after you realize that there's magic all around you, all the time.
1. Lists. Shopping lists are especially magical, but any list has the potential for magic. Have you noticed how they disappear most when you are really frazzled and can't remember anything? They will also go missing on the days that you go shopping for last minute things because the store will be closed the next day. I find that I also lose lists the day before I take my car to the repair shop and have planned to stay home for several days. Lists have this magical power to remind us that what we think is so important is not actually that important.
2. Dishes. We have all had a day where we get up to an empty sink, eat breakfast, do the dishes, eat lunch and dinner out or at a friend's house, then when we get ready for bed the sink is full of dirty dishes. Why? I'll tell you, it's magic. That's the only thing that makes sense and you know it.
3. Chocolate. Everyone thinks chocolate is magic because it's so yummy, but it actually has telepathic powers. How else would your husband find the last two bites of the chocolate bar that you hid for yourself to eat after dinner? Think it through, he's always asking you where he's put his things and yet he can find your chocolate.
4. Goat heads. Those of you who do not live in the desert southwest you might know these hideous things. They look like this.
They don't look magical you say, and you are right, they look terrible. They are actually magic. There is no other way to explain why, after you've had a tractor remove the top foot of dirt from your yard, you can walk through the yard and still step on these things. As for trying to keep them out of your children's shoes, good luck with that. They stick better than brand new velcro, to everything. If you've ever stepped on a lego with bare feet you can begin to imagine what it might feel like to step on these. They are so magical that when you step on them in the dark with bare feet you will always be carrying something heavy, like a sleeping child, and you will be as far as possible from somewhere to sit down. FACT.
5. Socks. They are magical items. There is a reason Harry gave Dobby a sock. Ever put six socks in the washer? Take them out, put them in the dryer and when the dryer buzzes, how many socks are in the dryer? That's right, five. Why? Here's the real answer. Whenever someone in the magical world needs something it gets transfigured from a sock. The dryer is the place where the magical world gets socks because the warm socks are easier to transfigure. So, don't bother looking for lost socks, you will never find them again.
See holiday magic is just silly after you realize that there's magic all around you, all the time.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
What I say, and what I mean by it.
Since I've become a Mom I find myself saying things that aren't exactly what I mean. I mostly mean them, but not quite. Here's the secret code to what I say and what I mean.
1. "Oh, Thank you! It's my favorite."
What I mean: "Thank you, I might one day need to eat the pasta on this necklace so I will wear it often, especially when I might be stranded away from a restaurant for an extended length of time. You are my child and I love you."
2. "You have seconds, I'm not that hungry."
What I mean: "If I'm hungry after dinner I can find my own snack, if you are hungry after dinner you will whine and cry until I magically decipher the mystery food you are willing to eat that I am also willing to have you eat ten minutes before bed. So, since you are actually eating this, chow down! Also, you are my husband and I love you."
3. "How many times have I told you?"
What I mean: "I feel as though I've said this before but in my exhausted state I can't remember so if it's more than two or three you better just do what I say because I'm really tired and I want to be done disciplining you so I can go to sleep."
4. "How do I look?"
What I mean: "Is there any glaringly obvious stain that a blind person might notice in some embarrassing location on my clothes? Specifically check for hand prints on my butt please."
5. "I'm sorry I didn't get to that today. I will try again tomorrow."
What I mean: "While I was cleaning the floor for the fourth time in the same location while someone was sitting on my leg I realized that you had asked me to do the one thing that is almost impossible to do with four children in the house. That's right, make a phone call. So, instead of somehow managing to put them all in a padded playpen big enough for an eight year old and somehow making sure that they can't touch each other even though they all apparently have Elastagirl's super powers, I chose to not call the company with voice recognition software that puts me on hold an average of 45 minutes every time I call. Can you please do it? I'll give you a million dollars."
6. "I'll give you a million dollars."
What I mean: "I don't ask for help often, but if I make you laugh you might forget that you don't want to help me and decide that it might be a good idea to help me. Plus if I had a million dollars it would be yours."
7. "Is this clean or dirty?"
What I mean: "I wash the laundry, I fold the laundry, I put the laundry away, I will not also go around the house picking up the dirty laundry. News flash, there is enough dirty laundry in the proper place that I can actually wash two loads a day for about two weeks without looking for more. If you can't put it away, I can't wash it." My children are learning this one.
8. "Dinner is ready."
What I mean: "Set the table, sit down, and prepare to eat. Don't whine and say it's disgusting, don't look at me like I have two heads. EAT THE FOOD I MADE! And, clear your dishes when you are finished, thank you." My children are learning this one too.
9. "I'm going to bed."
What I mean: "I'm tired, I can't do any more tonight. I am falling asleep at the sink and I'm pretty sure I'll be washing these pans again in the morning because they aren't really clean. You can ask me for something but I am not very useful now, I'm going to bed to sleep. Good night my dears." Some people will likely never learn this one.
10. "What were you thinking?"
What I mean: "Wait just a minute while I try to figure out whether to laugh hysterically or cry uncontrollably. I'm not sure which one this warrants. I also know that I have to punish you but basically I have a feeling that the consequences of what you did might be self-limiting. I do remember that I am the parent and as such need to correct your bizarre behavior so wait while I come up with something suitable that isn't too hard to implement."
I'm sure I'll have more as the children grow up, but for now I think I shall document this so that when my children are older and in therapy they can read this and understand what I was trying to tell them.
1. "Oh, Thank you! It's my favorite."
What I mean: "Thank you, I might one day need to eat the pasta on this necklace so I will wear it often, especially when I might be stranded away from a restaurant for an extended length of time. You are my child and I love you."
2. "You have seconds, I'm not that hungry."
What I mean: "If I'm hungry after dinner I can find my own snack, if you are hungry after dinner you will whine and cry until I magically decipher the mystery food you are willing to eat that I am also willing to have you eat ten minutes before bed. So, since you are actually eating this, chow down! Also, you are my husband and I love you."
3. "How many times have I told you?"
What I mean: "I feel as though I've said this before but in my exhausted state I can't remember so if it's more than two or three you better just do what I say because I'm really tired and I want to be done disciplining you so I can go to sleep."
4. "How do I look?"
What I mean: "Is there any glaringly obvious stain that a blind person might notice in some embarrassing location on my clothes? Specifically check for hand prints on my butt please."
5. "I'm sorry I didn't get to that today. I will try again tomorrow."
What I mean: "While I was cleaning the floor for the fourth time in the same location while someone was sitting on my leg I realized that you had asked me to do the one thing that is almost impossible to do with four children in the house. That's right, make a phone call. So, instead of somehow managing to put them all in a padded playpen big enough for an eight year old and somehow making sure that they can't touch each other even though they all apparently have Elastagirl's super powers, I chose to not call the company with voice recognition software that puts me on hold an average of 45 minutes every time I call. Can you please do it? I'll give you a million dollars."
6. "I'll give you a million dollars."
What I mean: "I don't ask for help often, but if I make you laugh you might forget that you don't want to help me and decide that it might be a good idea to help me. Plus if I had a million dollars it would be yours."
7. "Is this clean or dirty?"
What I mean: "I wash the laundry, I fold the laundry, I put the laundry away, I will not also go around the house picking up the dirty laundry. News flash, there is enough dirty laundry in the proper place that I can actually wash two loads a day for about two weeks without looking for more. If you can't put it away, I can't wash it." My children are learning this one.
8. "Dinner is ready."
What I mean: "Set the table, sit down, and prepare to eat. Don't whine and say it's disgusting, don't look at me like I have two heads. EAT THE FOOD I MADE! And, clear your dishes when you are finished, thank you." My children are learning this one too.
9. "I'm going to bed."
What I mean: "I'm tired, I can't do any more tonight. I am falling asleep at the sink and I'm pretty sure I'll be washing these pans again in the morning because they aren't really clean. You can ask me for something but I am not very useful now, I'm going to bed to sleep. Good night my dears." Some people will likely never learn this one.
10. "What were you thinking?"
What I mean: "Wait just a minute while I try to figure out whether to laugh hysterically or cry uncontrollably. I'm not sure which one this warrants. I also know that I have to punish you but basically I have a feeling that the consequences of what you did might be self-limiting. I do remember that I am the parent and as such need to correct your bizarre behavior so wait while I come up with something suitable that isn't too hard to implement."
I'm sure I'll have more as the children grow up, but for now I think I shall document this so that when my children are older and in therapy they can read this and understand what I was trying to tell them.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Things I would have done today if I were still five or six years old
I sometimes wish I'd never grown up. Here are the things I would have done today if I weren't a grown-up.
1. I would have asked to use the cool new pencil, even though my old one still works well.
2. I would have walked right by the pile of laundry to fold, because I would have been imagining I were a fairy princess who wears flower petals instead of clothes.
3. I would have eaten the last slice of pizza, without sharing, because I wanted it.
4. I would have watched the snow flakes fall outside instead of worrying about someone driving in the coming storm.
5. I would have had chocolate milk with dinner.
6. I would have worn my pjs all day because it was cold.
7. I would have drawn pictures on every page of my school work, just to make it prettier.
8. I would have asked for a hug from my Mom, even if I was in the bath and soaking wet.
9. I would have drawn a lady bug on my toe because it belonged there.
10. I would have been excited about using a new toothbrush.
I would have done all these things, so I can't really fault my children for doing them. Sometimes I need to remember that I would do it, if I could, or if I'd thought of it first.
1. I would have asked to use the cool new pencil, even though my old one still works well.
2. I would have walked right by the pile of laundry to fold, because I would have been imagining I were a fairy princess who wears flower petals instead of clothes.
3. I would have eaten the last slice of pizza, without sharing, because I wanted it.
4. I would have watched the snow flakes fall outside instead of worrying about someone driving in the coming storm.
5. I would have had chocolate milk with dinner.
6. I would have worn my pjs all day because it was cold.
7. I would have drawn pictures on every page of my school work, just to make it prettier.
8. I would have asked for a hug from my Mom, even if I was in the bath and soaking wet.
9. I would have drawn a lady bug on my toe because it belonged there.
10. I would have been excited about using a new toothbrush.
I would have done all these things, so I can't really fault my children for doing them. Sometimes I need to remember that I would do it, if I could, or if I'd thought of it first.
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